How can I motivate lethargic hubby?

[cakemaker]

Firstly is this the best place to ask questions?
My husband is 62. We 'retired' three years ago.
He was recently diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes. The doctor has been recommending for a few years now that he lose weight. I have put him on many diets over the years, he's lost weight then put it, and more, back on.
I started a food diary a couple of weeks ago and actually started weighing his morning porridge, potatoes,rice, pasta etc. It shocked me as to how large our previous portions were.
I was given a book (circa1950)which recommends 100grammes of carbohydrate a day and a chart listing all the carbohydrate values of many everyday foods. I find it quite helpful. However, being so old it doesn't list many foods which we now consider everyday foods, e.g. couscous, but I have been counting these using a near equivalent.

I find it very hard to cook for two after having 4 kids and then running a B&B for 15years where I cooked a lot. I now dish up the extra on a plate and serve it the next day for lunch instead of dishing up seconds.
I have quite a good knowledge of food, one son is vegan, one was vegetarian and I've had to cook over the years for people with all sorts of allergies, dairy intolerence etc. so I've got quite an extensive recipe collection. Some of our weight problems are definitely a result of running a B&B. I hate waste so we ended up eating what the guests didn't want.

My main concerns at the moment are my husbands mood swings and general lethargy. He sits in front of his computor for hours at a time.
How can I motivate him to exercise regularly?
He started playing golf again recently and says it's enough for him for now. If he plays 9 holes, he walks but if he plays 18 he takes a buggy. He says that's enough exercise for one week but I say it's better a little every day.
I try to get him to come for walks but he always says he's not up to it yet; maybe tomorrow but he seldom does.
We live about 20 mins. from the coast so we do go quite a lot but we only do a short walk. He won't push himself. Should he or am I expecting too much?

 

[Northerner]

It would certainly help a lot if he could push himself as part of his mood swings might be down to higher than normal blood sugar levels. Exercise will do several things - it helps use the glucose from the food we eat, it makes the body more sensitive to insulin, it burns calories - long after the exercise is completed, and it releases 'feel good' endorphins - lovely brain chemicals that brighten the mood and make us feel happier with our lot! Regular exercise - a brisk 30 minute walk each day - will have huge benefits for general well-being, blood sugar control and weight loss 🙂 Have you considered getting a dog? 🙂 Or a Wii Fit, if he likes computers?

100g of carbs a day is quite a long way below the 230g recommended for an adult male these days, but would be a good rule for a diabetic male if you can devise a diet that meets the requirement. Portion size is the key factor if you are trying to lose weight, so food diaries and weighing food is an excellent idea 🙂

 

[Tezzz]

I learnt on a depression course blood sugar levels do have a part in how we feel.

Exercise is important - it creates endorphins which make you feel better. I borrow various dogs and my niece and go walkies. Bribe him if need be. Tell him I felt the same as he did and started off with half a mile in the morning and half a mile in the afternoon as I live half a mile from work! Build up gradually (very if need be) with say 5 minutes every day and when he feels used to it make it 10 minutes and so on! I haven't looked back and often I don't realise how much my blood sugar and emotions have got better.

Regarding food, as a non insulin dependent Type 2, I have reduced (not cut out completely) starchy carbohydrates. I have lost weight and my Blood Glucose levels are lower.

Have a look on Amazon for the Collins Gem Carbohydrate book. Under a fiver and a good investment.

 

[Andy HB]

It is a bit of a chicken and egg situation. He probably still feels a bit crummy following the diagnosis and it is difficult to break out of that feeling.

Personally, getting the diagnosis was the kick in the posterior I needed to sort myself out. I started walking every day pretty much from day one. However, for quite a while I felt like death warmed up and a few times wondered whether I could get back home!

Definitely the little and regular approach to exercise is the way to go at first. Then as he feels better you can try building it up. I now regularly take a 1hr walk every day at a brisk pace. I feel sooooo much better now.

One other thing. When I checked what I was eating, I was packing away well over 200g of carb a day (probably as much as 230g). I did that and still lost over 50lbs in 12 months, so it isn't strictly necessary to go low carb. But that is just me and you may need to do something different.

Not sure whether that helps much. But good luck with everything.

Andy 🙂

 

[Vicsetter]

Maybe you could persuade him to start a new paid venture as a dog walker for other people, jut to supplement his pension (when he gets it)🙄!

 

[RSVP]

Hi Cakemaker

Men can be so stubben at times can't they?

I use the blunt approach I know this doesn't suit all. I pressume you retired because you could rather than forced. There must have been things over the years you have talked about doing in retirement that you can now do.

Maybe it's time to make a list of all those things and the new ones and talk about what you both want out of you retirement.

The blunt part of me says whilst you are both able to.

I just said to Rob that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him & if he carried on the way he was I'd be alone!

Really hope that you can start to see a way forward soon.

Take Care

Sarah 🙂

 

[cakemaker]

Thanks a lot for all your ideas.
I tried the dog bit last week. We 'dog sat' my daughters dog for a week. I took it for walks every day but my husband used the excuse that he wasn't going to be seen out walking with a Pug!
He also kept saying he felt awful and that I couldn't understand how he felt and he really wasn't up to walking.
One of the reasons we retired is that I have arthritis and had to have a hip replacement which resulted in one leg longer than the other and I will have to have another in the forseeable future (they said the'll lengthen my other leg then).
I might not have Diabetes but the op. left me with back problems etc. and I don't always feel like walking but I push myself and walk through the pain. I'm no hero and sometimes can be a bit of a whinger but after I've had a walk and said hello to a few people I feel a lot better. I've said this to him but he says I don't understand how he feels.
No I don't, but I'm trying to. I might not have a killer disease but I think I can understand the shock of being told that you have something which you have to live with for the rest of your life and that makes you feel awful.

I think my husband is suffering a bit of depression and is very snappy. He has always been such a possitive person. He said that he may go to the doctor this week. He has only been taking medication for about 3months so he is still being monitored and having regular checks.
He is also fed up that he hasn't lost any weight in the last few weeks. He lost about 1/2 stone a couple of months ago and nothing since.

The B&B became too much and we were getting tired after years of very hard work and few holidays. We were good at it especially my husband who is a natural comidian and entertained all our guests. Although sometimes we miss it we couldn't go back to doing it even in a small way.
I think we both need a purpose and a reason to get up in the mornings. It might also take his mind off the Diabetes and his next meal.
I agree Sarah that we should make a list of things we want to do in retirement. At the moment though we have a few family problems so a lot of things are on hold although we are both looking forward to a holiday in September.

 

[Caroline]

men are stubborn creatures sometimes. Do you have granddchildren old enough to kick a ball about with or take swimming? My late father-in-law used to enjoy a kcik about with my big boy when he was small.

Not to everyones tatse, but have you thought about tai chi? It is nice and gentle and very relaxing. I managed to persuade my hubby it was a form of martial art and the martial artists in all the films do it as a warm up before shooting the film.

 

[Copepod]

U3A - orienteering / rambling / geocaching

Last night, I went to our orienteering club training night. For the first time I met some members of the new U3A (University of the Third Age) orienteering group, and was able to answer some questions from a man attending his second session who wanted to know where & when to find races to attend and permanent courses to try. So, I told him which websites to consult.

My dad is very involved in U3A in West Midlands and has helped t oset up several new groups. He told me about the first planned activity of one new group - rambling with geocaching.

Even without U3A involvement, there are opportunities for orienteering and / or geocaching in most areas. It can be easier to walk if you have an aim, such as the next orienteering control or the next geocache. An orienteering map for a permanent course or a low key race usually only costs ?1 - ?2. A GPS receiver for geocaching costs a minimum of around ?60, plus a few batteries, but use of www.geocaching.com is free. Getting outdoors exercise is known to help relieve sysmptoms of depression. Some prefer the social aspects eg with U3A or organised health walks, while others prefer the privacy of independent geocaching or orienteering - you're on your own out on the course.

Perhaps not a pug, but what about a retired greyhound or something more macho?

 

[KateXXXXXX]

Cattle prod? Pointy toed boot?

That aside, I'd go with making a list of all the things you want to do with him. Then tell him you are going to do them anyway, but it would be more fun WITH him. If you want to be tough, book a couple of things and drag him along. You might have to SHOW him that he can still enjoy himself, that he isn't made of fragile Venetian glass!

And Pugs are cute, but maybe your hubby would prefer a rescued mutt? My ex neighbour's six foot tall grandson walks (more jogs and runs!) his little rescued dishmop dog. Sweet to see a great hulking BLOKE turn to melted toffee over that thing! Mind you, it's a cute mutt. We have borrowed dog for the GMNT to walk this week. Half staffie, half whippet. Boingy!

 

[C*5_Dodger]

Dear cakemaker,

I just caught up with this thread, welcome to the forum. Previous posters have given you lots of ideas - so here's mine. Firstly, this is a job for your husbands doctor, the obvious solution of getting him to exercise more will not work until the underlying problem has been corrected. Your husband feels depressed and lacking in energy so asking to expend more (ie exercise) when he feels has hasn't got any doesn't seem like a viable way forward. The one thing that I feel warrants futher attention is the question of high blood sugar. If he hasn't got a meter, he needs to get one and then adopt a protocol for getting his blood sugars as close to normal as possible. Here's one way of doing it, left click here.


Regards Dodger

 

[Copepod]

There IS evidence that outdoors exercise can help relieve symptoms of depression, tension, anger, raised blood pressure eg http://fyiliving.com/health/why-outdoor-exercise-is-better/

However, addressing blood glucose levels is also important, and can also be helped by increasing exercise / activity.

 

[C*5_Dodger]

There IS evidence that outdoors exercise can help relieve symptoms of depression, tension, anger, raised blood pressure eg http://fyiliving.com/health/why-outdoor-exercise-is-better/

However, addressing blood glucose levels is also important, and can also be helped by increasing exercise / activity.

I never said that there was not evidence - just that it was probably not a good idea for someone lacking energy to try and expend more - correct the underlying issue then start exercising. It isn't everyone that can work through it even though some may be able to!

 

[Andy HB]

I never said that there was not evidence - just that it was probably not a good idea for someone lacking energy to try and expend more - correct the underlying issue then start exercising. It isn't everyone that can work through it even though some may be able to!

I agree that it all depends on the underlying cause.

But if it is purely psychological then 'all' that's missing is the motivation. Once someone can get over that initial hurdle then the rest will probably follow.

Also, in my case ..... well read my earlier post! 😉

Andy 🙂

p.s. There I go again! 'OAP Bashing'

 

[C*5_Dodger]

I agree that it all depends on the underlying cause.

But if it is purely psychological then 'all' that's missing is the motivation. Once someone can get over that initial hurdle then the rest will probably follow.

Also, in my case ..... well read my earlier post! 😉

Andy 🙂

p.s. There I go again! 'OAP Bashing'

Dear Andy,

Getting a bit defensive are you? My post was directed to cakemaker - it just seemed that her hubby was making excuses not to exercise so insisting that he should is not a viable way forward. So I cannot accept that your post was OAP bashing - you must try harder

Regards Dodger

 

[Natalie123]

Hi Cakemaker, I totally understand how your husband feels. I am not very happy at the mo and I know from experience that exercise helps me to feel more cheerful, but the depression cause physical symptoms like tiredness, aches and for me dizziness and sweating so it is incredibly hard to exercise. Its definitely worth speaking to the doctor as he/she might be able to help with the depression side of things - he might be able to speak to a counsellor or in my case I am also on a mild drug which gave me the energy to get up and do something! As you might notice from another post, I am struggling again at the moment, but definitely speak to someone regarding the depression, diabetes is a big change in his life and high blood sugars along with the stress of coping with it all can cause depression. Many people need someone to talk to about how to cope with diabetes.

 

[AlisonM]

Just a quick question but has hubby had a 'full MOT'? He may be suffering from depression due to the diabetes, or the diagnosis (or both), or there maybe another underlying cause for his lethargy. Chances are it is depression due to high blood sugar and if you can persuade him to get out and about with you it may improve his outlook. Do you like dancing? That might be something you could do together, or a walk down to the local pub for quiz night. Anything you can think of that makes it look less like exercise and more like fun, at least in the early days.

On the diet side, I've been following a low GI diet since diagnosis which really does help me feel less hungry and more alert. It's worth a try.

 

[cakemaker]

Hi Caroline, unfortunately we don't have grandchildren. My husband was a very good football player in his youth. He played semi-proffesionally and even managed teams. He does show off a few moves to our friend's Grandson but that's about it.
My friend invited me to tai chi. She said it might help my arthritis so I might go and see for myself and see if there is a 'man' class. I don't think he would like a mixed class.
He doesn't swim so that's out. He's not fit enough for tennis so it's down to golf but too expensive to go more than once a week.
When we are on holiday though he walks but we have a lot of stops to take in the scenery and get our breath back. I suppose we'll have to go on holiday more!

 

[Copepod]

Or find new places to walk locally or new reasons to walk in palces you know - like orienteering, geocacahing etc.... If I knew where you lived, I could make more targetted suggestions eg local orienteering clubs and recommended geocaches. Generally, cheaper in the long run than golf - I take the view that golf is a way to spoil a good walk, and have to clear up golf balls that fly into bike lane I use to cycle to work, where I have to collect more golf balls from woods, but recognise that some people like it.

 

[Natalie123]

Could you find time for a weekend away together and do a bit of walking? I go to the peak district, there is a place called Dove Dale, it is very pretty, and the walk along the river is very flat for the first part.