Posts, responses and cliques

[MargB]

Not 100% sure what all this is about but one of the things I like about this forum is that I don't feel compelled to reply to everything and I have never felt shunned if my threads are not the most popular. I feel there is such a wide range of knowledge and experience that no one person can possibly know all the answers.

Every now and then i go on the Newbies board and try and write a quick welcome but am often wary about saying the wrong thing. It is so easy to write something in what I think is a light hearted manner but for it to be mis-interpretated. That has not happened on this forum but has definitely happened elsewhere.

I am sorry someone has left but being totally honest, I am not going to change the way I post on this forum.

 

[sue63]

This forum has been so helpful to me and it really really helped me in the early days with J's diagnosis.

My first post was at about 2.50AM as I could not sleep and somebody responded within 30 mins...I was so impressed. The parents on this forum have been wonderful...they understand what it is like to have a diabetic child and the diabetics on this forum have helped me see things from a different perspective which has been so so useful.

I honestly don't know what I would have done without it, especially in those horrible first weeks.

Alan you do a wonderful job...thank you

Sue

 

[bev]

Hi again just wanted to say that Bex was and still is very upset. I think people are missing the point of Bex's thread. The moderators do a great job monitoring the forum, so it's not about the moderators changing things, it's about us changing things. I think Bex, and maybe some other people, if I am being honest, me as well, would like a bigger share of the pie. Some people get a big share of the pie and other people just get a small slice or the crumbs. That's the only way I can think of putting it. As for people leaving the forum, there is always a reason for people leaving. When I worked as Receptionist at a well known car dealership, I was forever changing the names of the staff because people were constantly leaving! If your face fits, you're well in. One girl who worked in sales would not use the toilet when she needed to go(not a wee) and the manager just let her go home to go! If it was me I would of probably been given a warning. I don't want to annoy people, but it's best to get things out in the open. Best wishes Sheena x

Hi Sheena,
I am really sad that some people feel this way - and I do understand how these things happen - but I really dont think that there is any kind of conspiracy going on and people being deliberately left out or not having a share of the pie - its just life - and if someone is more vocal or have formed a friendship with someone then thats only to be expected on a forum - some people will get on with others and you all find you have something in common with other people. If you feel this way - are there any suggestions you think might help people in this situation - I personally wouldnt like the 'like' or 'not like' button - I think it would make people feel even worse to be honest. I also want to reiterate that I dont think there is a clique at all - and if there is - then its news to me - unless I am so unobservant that I am just not one of the clique - he he. Bex if your reading this and I am one of the culprits - then I apologise - I do like reading your posts and I have never thought you dont fit in - you have made me laugh in the past and you always have interesting things to say - so please dont leave the forum - we need you.🙂Bev

 

[SilentAssassin1642]

I have to admit, lack of replies and "cliques" are part of the reason I very rarely post here now. It is very upsetting when you post something trying to get some help or just trying to get out how you feel and no one bothers replying. It's why I've stopped posting. Not only that but I have to say there have been times where I have felt ganged up on and made to feel very upset by a lot of responses here. But that's a different story for a different day.

When I first joined this forum, it was a source of great help. Without your guys help I would still be in rebellion, nor would I have had the courage to go for a pump. However in recent months I have felt alienated quite a lot, and it does hurt when you post something and no one can be bothered to reply.

I still read, it's just the majority of the time, because of the way this forum has made me feel in the past, I don't bother to log in and post anything. Its gotten to the stage where I just think "what's the point?"

 

[Steff]

I have to admit, lack of replies and "cliques" are part of the reason I very rarely post here now. It is very upsetting when you post something trying to get some help or just trying to get out how you feel and no one bothers replying. It's why I've stopped posting. Not only that but I have to say there have been times where I have felt ganged up on and made to feel very upset by a lot of responses here. But that's a different story for a different day.

When I first joined this forum, it was a source of great help. Without your guys help I would still be in rebellion, nor would I have had the courage to go for a pump. However in recent months I have felt alienated quite a lot, and it does hurt when you post something and no one can be bothered to reply.

I still read, it's just the majority of the time, because of the way this forum has made me feel in the past, I don't bother to log in and post anything. Its gotten to the stage where I just think "what's the point?"

Sam from what i have seen in the pumping section your posts were always replied to well and in general messageboard.

 

[SilentAssassin1642]

Sam from what i have seen in the pumping section your posts were always replied to well and in general messageboard.

not all the time steff, for instance a couple of days ago i posted an update explaining how things were going and how "bummed out" i was feeling. i got one reply. It happened more since the whole issue that promted me to spend less time here.

i was just airing my views

 

[Steff]

not all the time steff, for instance a couple of days ago i posted an update explaining how things were going and how "bummed out" i was feeling. i got one reply. It happened more since the whole issue that promted me to spend less time here.

i was just airing my views

I dont want to comment to be honest but i remember your thread about an update which was 3 weeks ago but not the one you mention.p.s and by the i dont want to comment remark i dont mean to the thread your talkin about or any other posts you write up

 

[SilentAssassin1642]

*shrug* ... it really does feel that way sometimes and I can totally empathise with how bex is feeling.

Steff, when i first read the don't want to comment thing, I did take it the wrong way. And that is half the problem on here, because words don't come across right on the screen sometimes. And that is how people can get alienated. Myself included. A lot of my posts probably don't apply to alot of people but when people don't reply it gets you down. Same with when people get nasty and then refuse to even acknowledge how upsetting they have been and can't be bothered to apologise. That's why I don't post here any more and after reading Bex's thread, I have to say I fully agree with her.

But there we go, opinions and all that. I thought I would just say my two penneth before dissolving back into the shadows.

 

[Catwoman76]

Hi Sheena,
I am really sad that some people feel this way - and I do understand how these things happen - but I really dont think that there is any kind of conspiracy going on and people being deliberately left out or not having a share of the pie - its just life - and if someone is more vocal or have formed a friendship with someone then thats only to be expected on a forum - some people will get on with others and you all find you have something in common with other people. If you feel this way - are there any suggestions you think might help people in this situation - I personally wouldnt like the 'like' or 'not like' button - I think it would make people feel even worse to be honest. I also want to reiterate that I dont think there is a clique at all - and if there is - then its news to me - unless I am so unobservant that I am just not one of the clique - he he. Bex if your reading this and I am one of the culprits - then I apologise - I do like reading your posts and I have never thought you dont fit in - you have made me laugh in the past and you always have interesting things to say - so please dont leave the forum - we need you.🙂Bev

I agree with you bev about the like and dislike button, I think it would cause too many problems. I haven't said anything about a conspiracy or people deliberately being left out, I don't know where that has come from, I have not used those words, so it's not from me. Maybe Bex, in time, will come back to the forum, I would love to see her return. Best wishes Sheena

 

[Twitchy]

Oh guys...what's been going on?!...

I have totally missed the thread that presumably kicked this all off, but recently I have been conscious of the following:

1. I am totally erratic in my forum 'consistency' if you like - some weeks I'm on here daily, checking a lot, others I hardly get the chance to check once a week...partly because I've recently returned to work from maternity leave, partly because life with 2 kids (& pump wrangling!) is hectic, and partly because some weeks my bad eye has a bleed & frankly it's hard enough looking at a computer screen at work, without looking at one at home too
2. Sometimes I just don't know what to say in response to a thread - I either don't have the knowledge, or am feeling emotionally backrupt myself & just simply haven't the emotional resources to support anyone, much as I'd love to...
3. Sometimes when I'm feeling low I get a kind of 'diabetes fatigue' - I might feel up to reading the odd post, but not necessarily feeling positive enough to offer any advice etc...if that makes sense?! It can be a sense of 'who am i to help, i can't get it right myself!' It can also present in a kind of feeling of helplessness - there are so many people feeling sad, in need of encouragement etc & I get almost kind of panicky that if i start to help someone I might not be able to get back online for a while & be able to reply to their reply, and I worry I'll somehow let them down, if that makes sense?!
4. I too have at times worried that i have the knack of killing a thread stone dead, or maybe even worse, in trying to be empathetic I might offer my personal experience of an issue, only to realise hours later that it might have looked like I was one-upping the original postee, competing for who'd had the worst/ most extreme experience! 😱 I have certainly never set out to do that - the only thing I'd been trying to do was empathise, but sometimes I am just rubbish with words...

On the whole I have found this to be a massively supportive forum, extremely well moderated & supported & I recommend it to every diabetic I meet! The only time I have had any kind of niggle was when I was (admittedly very gently) tweaked for using what I hadn't realised might be considered a swear word...not a problem in itself, but for seeing that someone else had 'got away with' what I thought would be pretty universally considered a swear word, so if I'm honest, I felt a little hard done by... but i was having an awful week, feeling very low & hypersensitive to begin with, so probably took it far more to heart than I should have. I suppose the thing to remember is we don't always know what burdens people are dealing with in their 'offline' lives, whether poster or replier, as it were... I for one am very, sincerely sorry if I have missed posts I should/could have offered support on, or ever left anyone feeling let down. I wouldn't ever consciously ignore or hurt someone, and I'm just really sad that anyone has felt left out to the extent that they have left the forum. I just wish I had an easy answer to make it all better, but I don't.

 

[margie]

I didn't see Bex's thread - but I am sorry that she felt left out or unsupported.

I have seen sites which are cliquey and this side is not like that - but it can be hard if a lot of people disagree with you - it can feel like bullying even if its not meant. I try to stay out of threads if my feelings have been over represented so as to not make the person with the opposing view feel put upon.

 

[squidge63]

I am just writting about a thread I did yesterday called Oh dear what can the matter be, I had 2 replies , steffie and flutterby. It was about me being sick and then locking poor Pebbles in the loo! only 2 replies, people could of replied today, if they were busy yesterday, but they didn't, need I say anymore. Sheena

Why should everyone reply to every thread done, to be honest I didn't even see the thread mentioned.. we don't walk down the street and say hello to every person on the street or in the shopping mall, if you see someone you know then of course you are going to say hello.. but even then you can walk past someone you know and not even see them. I think this is a good thread for getting out how people feel about the board, but I do think people are taking the replying to a thread or not too much to heart..

I suffer from depression and get very low days, and on those days I often don't respond to threads, but even when low I take it with a pinch of salt if someone didn't reply to something I had posted. Some members here do post a lot and it may seem like a clique but I don't see it as that, I see it as members who have formed friendships and see that a friend has posted so they reply to it.. I am a member of several forums and the same happens on there, but I haven't seen anyone get in a huff because a thread of theirs didn't have many replies.. and yes over the years there have been cliques formed but after a while they break up and life goes on until the next clique comes along.. I just enjoy reading and posting when I WANT to post, when something I read stirs me to reply.. I didn't even know there was an "off the topic" section, since I have been here I just went straight into the diabetes topics, and many times I have found that there are threads that have nothing that I want to post in.. today is the first time that I clicked on New Posts and found the other threads, IE: the X Factor which I have taken a part in because it is light hearted and as others have said you don't always want to be fixated on diabetes, we live with it 24/7 it is not supposed to take over our life, there is other stuff going on and at the end of the day there are people out there in the world who are much worse off than we are.

As for the not like sorry to hear that etc... I won't be doing that again for fear of upsetting someone.. it seems you can't win, you write something and it's not liked, you don't write anything and you still get kicked in the butt..

 

[Emmal31]

I also remember those comments by someone that Bev said about and I felt that I often can't offer much help but like to say 'I hope you feel better' but since that comment was made I've felt like maybe I shouldn't say anything if I can't really help more than that. I would say I've still got a lot to learn about diabetes and don't always feel like the best person to answer questions with my lack of knowledge.

When I first joined I didn't really post a lot and didn't log in often and felt quite isolated but once I got involved I felt very welcome. Since having had Jessica I haven't had much time on my hands and as a result I haven't been able to be around as much as I'd like and have felt isolated again but that is completely my own fault. I don't think that the forum should change in anyway though.

If I didn't have this forum I don't honestly know how I would have gotten through Jessica's pregnancy and I still love to read the pregnancy threads when I can. I don't like to think that people leave the forum because of something that has happened here but they are entitled to their opinion.

 

[Catwoman76]

Why should everyone reply to every thread done, to be honest I didn't even see the thread mentioned.. we don't walk down the street and say hello to every person on the street or in the shopping mall, if you see someone you know then of course you are going to say hello.. but even then you can walk past someone you know and not even see them. I think this is a good thread for getting out how people feel about the board, but I do think people are taking the replying to a thread or not too much to heart..

I suffer from depression and get very low days, and on those days I often don't respond to threads, but even when low I take it with a pinch of salt if someone didn't reply to something I had posted. Some members here do post a lot and it may seem like a clique but I don't see it as that, I see it as members who have formed friendships and see that a friend has posted so they reply to it.. I am a member of several forums and the same happens on there, but I haven't seen anyone get in a huff because a thread of theirs didn't have many replies.. and yes over the years there have been cliques formed but after a while they break up and life goes on until the next clique comes along.. I just enjoy reading and posting when I WANT to post, when something I read stirs me to reply.. I didn't even know there was an "off the topic" section, since I have been here I just went straight into the diabetes topics, and many times I have found that there are threads that have nothing that I want to post in.. today is the first time that I clicked on New Posts and found the other threads, IE: the X Factor which I have taken a part in because it is light hearted and as others have said you don't always want to be fixated on diabetes, we live with it 24/7 it is not supposed to take over our life, there is other stuff going on and at the end of the day there are people out there in the world who are much worse off than we are.

As for the not like sorry to hear that etc... I won't be doing that again for fear of upsetting someone.. it seems you can't win, you write something and it's not liked, you don't write anything and you still get kicked in the butt..

Hi squidge my thread was not about Diabetes, it was a lighthearted thread about me being ill and then locking my poor cat in the loo. I know there are alot of people out there are who are seriously worse off than us with Diabetes, but it's not about Diabetes. No one is asking you or anyone else on the forum to reply to EVERY thread. Have you read Bex's thread, if not, it's on the food message board. Other people feel exactly the way she does. best wishes Sheena

 

[Northerner]

Once again, thank you for all your thoughts, it's very helpful for me. For those who are now worried about posting good wishes, please continue to do so - my experience has been that those who prefer not to get them are very few and far between, and I think they most definitely constitute 'support' because it means people are wanting to let a person know that they have read and want to empathise with them. I will certainly continue to post them.

I don't think it's possible to be all things to all men/women, but I hope people have found this discussion an interesting insight into what a varied bunch of people we are. On a personal note, I'd also like to say that I have felt most of what you have written at various times over the past couple of years and just want the place to provide a positive experience when you come here. 🙂

 

[Flutterby]

I wasn't going to say anything here because there are some very strong feelings expressed and many people feeling hurt, rejected and angry. Please people, let's not fall out, we are all in this together and you all support me so much. I'm sorry if I don't respond to every post, I don't deliberately respond or not respond to anyone in particular, it's just whether a certain thread grabs my attention or is of special interest. Many of the posts are very specific in their enquiry or theme and sometimes I don't have the expertise or experience to really help, sometimes I will say something vague such as, "hope things improve, sending hugs" and I mean that. I don't say it just to appease or keep people happy. One thing I am guilty of is not checking the newbie threads and I will try to do that more from now on. If I have hurt anybody's feelings then I am very sorry, it certainly wasn't intentional and to any and all who are proposing to leave this forum - please don't, we all need each other and your expertise might be just what the next person here is desperately needing. Feelings are running high, we are all stressed with Christmas and many of us are suffering with depression. Let's make allowances and if perhaps we feel we are being ignored we could always "bump" our thread to the top of the page again. Come on people lets make a new start? Love you all.xx

 

[Twitchy]

I wasn't going to say anything here because there are some very strong feelings expressed and many people feeling hurt, rejected and angry. ...we all need each other and your expertise might be just what the next person here is desperately needing. Feelings are running high, we are all stressed with Christmas and many of us are suffering with depression. Let's make allowances and if perhaps we feel we are being ignored we could always "bump" our thread to the top of the page again. Come on people lets make a new start? Love you all.xx

Well said Flutterby!! It's a RUBBISH time of year, we're all at different points of our path of life (with different stresses, perspectives, capabilities, maturity etc?!) so please can we make allowances & just be kind to each other? I really really hope everyone has a good night's sleep & things look better in the morning. Best wishes to everyone, I hope we can all be friends (sorry if that sounds childish, but I mean it! 😱 )

 

[Andy HB]

I have decided to just say this ...

Today, I cycled all the way to Gerrards Cross to donate some nick nacks and things to the Shaw Trust where am64 works.

This was a direct consequence of talking to am64 here on this forum and now I have met the lovely lady. If friendship can be called a clique, then I strongly hope that she and I have formed a clique today.

This forum is about giving and receiving. Some give more than others and some expect to receive more than others. That is the nature of things.

For me, today has been a good day.

If it wasn't a good day for you today, then I hope it will be a good one tomorrow.

Andy (first and foremost a forum member and not a moderator)

 

[Flutterby]

I have decided to just say this ...

Today, I cycled all the way to Gerrards Cross to donate some nick nacks and things to the Shaw Trust where am64 works.

This was a direct consequence of talking to am64 here on this forum and now I have met the lovely lady. If friendship can be called a clique, then I strongly hope that she and I have formed a clique today.

This forum is about giving and receiving. Some give more than others and some expect to receive more than others. That is the nature of things.

For me, today has been a good day.

If it wasn't a good day for you today, then I hope it will be a good one tomorrow.

Andy (first and foremost a forum member and not a moderator)

Aww what a lovely post 🙂

 

[Sheilagh1958]

Its sad to think someone has left because they feel left out, but you really cant please everyone all the time. I think this forum is very friendly, helpful and supportive.