Posts, responses and cliques

[margie]

I think there are a number of reasons that threads get few replies.

a) People don't have anything that they feel they can add, and don't want to clutter the thread with lots of posts saying sorry can't help and are hoping that someone else may come along and answer. Possibly they could come back later and add a comment if several hours have passed - so the person knows they are not being ignored.

b) The longer you have been posting the more likely that your posts will be read and responded to - if people are busy they may only look at posts from people they have had an interaction with. Possibly this could be negated by people taking part in the off topic discussion area - as people will get to learn a bit about you there - not always what you would think of when you first join though.

c) People may see you as knowledgable and feel they can't help add to you knowledge, sometimes reinforcing what people know can be helpful - though I have seen occaisions when this hasn't been appreciated. Saying that the longer you are here the more likely people are to know whether you would appreciate a reassurance post or not.

I agree that when you are down, a lack of responses sticks with you and you feel unwanted - its all part of depressed thinking. I know when I was really down - if people didn't reply to my e-mails I felt the lowest of the low - where the reality was people have busy lives and would get back to me when they had something to say.

I don't know how many people use new posts but it is useful to see if anything you may have input on has slipped to another page.

I think I will end here as I sound like I am writing a dissertation.

 

[grandma]

Well I dont know what I would have done without the help you all have given me on hear.
I was haveing a ruff time, and I have never spoken about it before just said Yes I am OK when anybody asked.
But I know I can come hear now and you all understand.
I have been telling everbody I know about it keep up the good work.........

 

[Catwoman76]

I logged on today to write something about the recent ' not feeling welcome' post, but I see someone has already done that. I am going to say that yes some people post a lot more than others, some posts are more interesting than others and some topics are more in the mainstream. I was going to call my thread A message to everyone.
There are people out there, myself included, that do find that more people get a greater response than others. Someone could be looking for an item of clothing, or broken a nail, woken up with a headache ( not low blood sugar level) or reorganised there front room! These people get lots and lots of responses and other people who are more vunerable, unhappy, lack confidence and maybe feeling out of touch with others need a bit more understanding and response from all of us. I very rarely log on in the morning because that's my busiest time. Someone started a thread about feeling unwell with a cough and a cold and he only got a few responses. This is what I'm talking about, this forum is not and should not be used as a popularity forum. I don't know how people are going to take this post, but if you don't say something, other people don't know who you really feel. I hope this thread has a really good and positive outcome. best wishes to EVERYONE Sheena x

 

[Northerner]

...There are people out there, myself included, that do find that more people get a greater response than others. Someone could be looking for an item of clothing, or broken a nail, woken up with a headache ( not low blood sugar level) or reorganised there front room! These people get lots and lots of responses and other people who are more vunerable, unhappy, lack confidence and maybe feeling out of touch with others need a bit more understanding and response from all of us....Sheena x

Hi Sheena, I do see what you mean. I know that, for some people, they don't like to see all the xfactor-type posts or general chat, but again that is part of the reason people do come here as well, to be among friends and maybe feel a little less isolated. I think that, sometimes, people find it much easier to just respond to posts with a lighter element because it makes them feel more involved and takes their mind away from whatever problems or worries they may be having. Often, as you quite rightly say, the posts that really need a lot of support or advice seem neglected in comparison, but I think that is also because they are sometimes much more diffcult or require more emotional strength to respond to appropriately and people may not be able to find the right words.

Support for lonely, vulnerable and worried people can take so many forms - as I said earlier, some people have joined and never posted, but just get comfort or information from reading others posts. This isn't uncommon on forums - I know another diabetes forum with over 25,000 members, but 19,000 of them have never posted. Just over half of our members have never posted and I often wonder why - is it because the forum seems too busy and intimidating? If you never really learn anything about people it's hard to respond sometimes except in very general terms.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this subject 🙂

 

[Lizzzie]

Come to this one rather late, but just wanted to add: I always assumed that there are plenty of regular posters, like me, who might come to recognise people's user-names, but haven't met anyone else and don't even tend to have off-board interactions online very much.

If I've ever had low reply-levels, I've always assumed it was more because the people who happened to be reading at the time didn't have much to say on the subject I'd chosen.

But if there are people who get replied to more because people recognise their names and stories (this happens naturally on the pregnancy board for obvious reasons), the some element of this is surely a natural part of people building relationships: 'ooh look I remember that person lets see how they're getting on'.

That is a positive thing for those people, who are also posting because they need support, not a negative thing for new or less active people, surely? I'm sorry if people feel completely ignored though because in general I always had the feeling that this was a very friendly, happy board. Will watch out for it in future.

 

[Steff]

I do have to say being one of the more regular posters that in the past I have had issues with certain threads in off the subject getting more attention then say a diabetes related thread in the main messageboard, after all this place is called diabetessupport, but sometimes the more light hearted threads are a way of getting away from the serious and having a laugh, say for instance the x factor thread as an example ive been a regular in there every week and i look forward to saturday coming around cause i like to spend the evening with other light minded people chatting about the x factor and leaving the serious side of things at the back door for a while, thats not to say i wont reply to a thread related to something more serious at another time...

 

[martindt1606]

I have been a member for 2 - 3 months and to add my comments:

I try to read new threads but work & family make it difficult to read / understand and comment on everything. When I can then I like to comment based on my experience.
I do think there are many threads where there just seems to be a long list of hello's well dones. These I tend to skip out of. Whilst I appreciate its good to praise / build confidence if 5 people have provided well dones does everyone else need to do so? Only if you are adding something new?
There are good threads - I got involved with the pancreas - anyone like me thread this week. This thread worked and 3 of us are sharing quality information.
There are threads providing good information / links to other sites.
There are threads easily identifiable as there to amuse - eg northeners advent calendar.

To date where I've started or participated I can only praise the responses received. Thanks to all.

 

[Robster65]

Like some others, I have started threads that have got a limited response. I may have felt ignored but equally I have to accept that people may be busy, not interested in what I'm saying or just don't like me. When I'm feeling positive, it's not a problem but if I'm a bit down it can sting slightly. Unless I say how I'm feeling and what my expectations are, I can't really expect everyone to rally round and support me, which I'm certain you all would if I needed it.

I suppose it's hard, maybe impossible to read the true meaning behind some seemingly ordinary posts that may be set as a test of popularity or some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy of depressed self-loathing. Especially at this time of year when some people feel lonelier than they otherwise might and want a bit more attention and support but feel that asking for it is too embarassing.

I'm rambling again, so I'll leave it there 😱

Rob

 

[sofaraway]

I have been here virtually since the beginning. My posting here has changed and I don't feel as part of the forum as much as I did in the past. I think it's since I stopped being a moderator. I don't read everything posted nowadays and some days don't log in, so feel less up to date with what's happening.

My frequency of posting and what i tend to post has changed, i don't feel like I can offer advice in the way that I used to. But thats down to me and my circumstances rather than anyone on the forum.

I do tend to reply more and look out for threads from people I know well and have met in real life. So i would assume thats the same for most people, those that they have built relationships with they are more likely to respond to their threads.

Can't really comment too much on getting replies to my threads as I don't think I have started many threads at all, just looked and it's 29 in total and only 5 this year.

 

[Catwoman76]

I logged on today to write something about the recent ' not feeling welcome' post, but I see someone has already done that. I am going to say that yes some people post a lot more than others, some posts are more interesting than others and some topics are more in the mainstream. I was going to call my thread A message to everyone.
There are people out there, myself included, that do find that more people get a greater response than others. Someone could be looking for an item of clothing, or broken a nail, woken up with a headache ( not low blood sugar level) or reorganised there front room! These people get lots and lots of responses and other people who are more vunerable, unhappy, lack confidence and maybe feeling out of touch with others need a bit more understanding and response from all of us. I very rarely log on in the morning because that's my busiest time. Someone started a thread about feeling unwell with a cough and a cold and he only got a few responses. This is what I'm talking about, this forum is not and should not be used as a popularity forum. I don't know how people are going to take this post, but if you don't say something, other people don't know who you really feel. I hope this thread has a really good and positive outcome. best wishes to EVERYONE Sheena x

I am just writting about a thread I did yesterday called Oh dear what can the matter be, I had 2 replies , steffie and flutterby. It was about me being sick and then locking poor Pebbles in the loo! only 2 replies, people could of replied today, if they were busy yesterday, but they didn't, need I say anymore. Sheena

 

[FM001]

It's inevitable that some posts will have less or more responses depending upon the question asked or the readers ability to respond, but as Northerner says topics of general interest like food, reality tv and family life will undoubtedly receive the highest percentage of replies, but a type 1 cannot offer experience of type 2 medication just as much as a type 2 may never have experienced using insulin, so a query or question asked will only be answered by those who have something useful to offer.

Overall I find the place a friendly forum, but there has been occasions in the past where people have misinterpreted my response and been quite nasty as a result, but that's fine as I no longer bother to read their threads let alone take the time to reply, people who are disrespective and unappreciative do not deserve to have multiple responses.

One reason why I do see that some posters have pages and pages of replies is due to friendships formed since the site was set-up, these more than likely began at forum get-together's and such, nothing wrong with that and if time was allowing I would like to meet up with a few members some time, but as my work schedule is tight and with family commitments I fear this may be a long time off, but never mind here's hoping!🙂

 

[Robster65]

I am just writting about a thread I did yesterday called Oh dear what can the matter be, I had 2 replies , steffie and flutterby. It was about me being sick and then locking poor Pebbles in the loo! only 2 replies, people could of replied today, if they were busy yesterday, but they didn't, need I say anymore. Sheena

I'm afraid I'm one of the guilty parties who raised a smile at your post but didn't respond. I'm not sure why but I didn't really feel I could add to what had been said, but maybe a simple thanks for cheering me up type comment would have been good manners. I'll bear this in mind for the future. 🙂

Rob

 

[Catwoman76]

I'm afraid I'm one of the guilty parties who raised a smile at your post but didn't respond. I'm not sure why but I didn't really feel I could add to what had been said, but maybe a simple thanks for cheering me up type comment would have been good manners. I'll bear this in mind for the future. 🙂

Rob

Thanks Rob, that's a very kind gesture Sheena

 

[Jennywren]

There was a comment made recently (cant remember who made it now) where someone said that they felt annoyed that people responded to threads with 'sorry to hear this' or 'hope you feel better tomorrow' as they said that this wasnt helpful at all and all it did was to add to the number of hits on here - so I think that some people do feel that if they arent even allowed to say things like this then they just wont bother. I often read threads and dont reply - not because I dislike the person - simply because I dont know the answer or someone else has already answered the question. I think it should also be remembered that we are all under pressure and stress and have our own worries and troubles in the 'real world' and if we spent every waking hour answering all the threads then we just wouldnt have enough time.

I find this a hard subject to reply to , to be honest because i think people will be even more worried about whether they should reply in case they say something they shouldnt . I agree with what Bev has said above and didnt know about someone complained of being annoyed about the'sorry to hear this' or 'hope you feel better tomorrow' posts , i hold my hand up to doing these sort of replies but i can assure you its not to bump up my posts its to let people know that i am thinking of them and to reply to how they are feeling and surely this is where this whole post has come from that people think that they are not being thought of and not being replied too. I think they will make lots of people wary of leaving posts now sadly .

 

[Northerner]

Thanks again people for your thoughts. I liked Squidge's idea of the 'Like' button but unfortunately it's not available in the forum software configuration.

By the way, I certainly wasn't meaning to criticise anyone's perception of the forum, just wanted to know if there were any areas that needed improvement. I think it's good to have the discussion too as it means people can see what others think. People shouldn't feel that they shouldn't wish people well if that's how they want to respond - nothing wrong with that in my book. Hopefully we will continue to grow and with greater numbers there will be the right mix of experience, knowledge and empathy so that no-one feels excluded and get the answers they are hoping for. 🙂

 

[rachelha]

I completely missed the post about thinking of you posts.
I put one recently in reply to a post on the ptregnancy board, it wad not to boost ratings etc. but because the person posting was obviously worriedvabout her pregnancy/baby which I completely empathise with, but it was about a v specific thing which I know nothing about.

I have been posting less recently as I am no longer sat at a computer all day but I do read postsvregularly on my phone. I personally do not use the forum when information is needed quickly. You can not guarantee anyone is logged in and able to reply in time. Also if people see the post a while after it was written they will assume the info will have already been found so won't reply.

I have felt upset by getting v few posts before, and that maybe some people are overly dramatic to get more posts but I think this just people using language in different ways.

I think the forum is a fantastic place, my recent pregnancy would have been far harder without it. I don't think anything needs changing and applaud the moderators, oarticularly Alan, for all their work.

 

[Steff]

Jenny you make a good point there, after reading this some may now feel mroe inclined to reply to every thread as the threat of somebody leaving if there post is ignored will play on all our minds, we certainly dont want people dropping like flies 😱

This has/is a great thread as its nice when we all get our thoughts and opinions across in a nice way.

 

[Catwoman76]

Hi again just wanted to say that Bex was and still is very upset. I think people are missing the point of Bex's thread. The moderators do a great job monitoring the forum, so it's not about the moderators changing things, it's about us changing things. I think Bex, and maybe some other people, if I am being honest, me as well, would like a bigger share of the pie. Some people get a big share of the pie and other people just get a small slice or the crumbs. That's the only way I can think of putting it. As for people leaving the forum, there is always a reason for people leaving. When I worked as Receptionist at a well known car dealership, I was forever changing the names of the staff because people were constantly leaving! If your face fits, you're well in. One girl who worked in sales would not use the toilet when she needed to go(not a wee) and the manager just let her go home to go! If it was me I would of probably been given a warning. I don't want to annoy people, but it's best to get things out in the open. Best wishes Sheena x

 

[shirl]

I must admit there have been times when I have posted and not received many replies and have felt quite hurt and upset by this, some of which was attributable to my state of mind at the time

I have felt that sometimes there is a bit of 'them' and 'us' type of thing going on, we all have Diabetes whether it be type 1 or 2 (and yes I know there are differences) but again that may have been down to how I was feeling at the time. I have felt that on occassion when I have offered some advice I have been 'shot' down by others, maybe justified maybe not!

I think it is a good thing that we take a look at ouselves and try to improve if we need to, there must be something going on otherwise I wonder why we need to be doing this and why people are leaving us?

Just my thoughts tho

Shirl

 

[Steff]

Hi again just wanted to say that Bex was and still is very upset. I think people are missing the point of Bex's thread. The moderators do a great job monitoring the forum, so it's not about the moderators changing things, it's about us changing things. I think Bex, and maybe some other people, if I am being honest, me as well, would like a bigger share of the pie. Some people get a big share of the pie and other people just get a small slice or the crumbs. That's the only way I can think of putting it. As for people leaving the forum, there is always a reason for people leaving. When I worked as Receptionist at a well known car dealership, I was forever changing the names of the staff because people were constantly leaving! If your face fits, you're well in. One girl who worked in sales would not use the toilet when she needed to go(not a wee) and the manager just let her go home to go! If it was me I would of probably been given a warning. I don't want to annoy people, but it's best to get things out in the open. Best wishes Sheena x

I get what your saying Sheena but what can people do, we cant force a person to come on the forum more often then they already do, how would you like more of the pie? its a forum at the end of the day and it created by the people that use it, in effect you only get out of it what you put in.Im life if your a shy person your not going to have a large group of mates you socliase with thats your personality though and your social network will be small but if your out going you will get a bigger field of mates which is what its kind of like in here, a forum gives every one an equal opportunity to express there fear, thoughts etc and means you can say what you feel, the place is only as good as what goes into it x