Newby concerned daughter

[Sarah C]

Hello, I don't know if this is the right place to post but wanted to say hi. My mum is in her 70s and has been diagnosed with Type 2 for a number of years. She is very resistant to discussing it and doesn't manage her blood sugar. She is very private but has said that the Dr wants her to inject insulin but she refuses. She's become unwell and her symptoms seem to match diabetes complications.

I don't know how to encourage her to take this seriously. I want to respect her independence but it's awful seeing her refuse recommended treatment. As far as I know she's only taking metformin.

Just needed to get it off my chest I guess. People on these boards are here because they want to get better, but I'm not sure my mum does. It's heartbreaking.

 

[Gwynn]

I feel for you. Many people are very 'private' when it comes to their health which can make it very difficult to help them. Often there is an inner fear of it all too.

I do hope you can somehow talk to her gently and with reassurance that diabetes can be successfully managed but it does take some effort. Perhaps she might allow you to help in some small way, like reading nutrition information on packaging, etc

Whatever you do try to keep going and try to help where you can. Good luck.

If I think of something helpful I will post back.

 

[ColinUK]

Can you speak with her doctor directly perhaps? Even if only to share the concerns you have about her diabetes.

 

[Sarah C]

Thanks both, I appreciate your replies. I have thought about speaking to her doctor but worry about invading her privacy. But I think I need to put that to one side now.

 

[Sarah C]

Also blimey, just reading your stats on your signatures, you're amazing success stories!

 

[Leadinglights]

Hello, I don't know if this is the right place to post but wanted to say hi. My mum is in her 70s and has been diagnosed with Type 2 for a number of years. She is very resistant to discussing it and doesn't manage her blood sugar. She is very private but has said that the Dr wants her to inject insulin but she refuses. She's become unwell and her symptoms seem to match diabetes complications.

I don't know how to encourage her to take this seriously. I want to respect her independence but it's awful seeing her refuse recommended treatment. As far as I know she's only taking metformin.

Just needed to get it off my chest I guess. People on these boards are here because they want to get better, but I'm not sure my mum does. It's heartbreaking.

I can see you are in a difficult position if she won't engage with you in discussing her condition. If she has become unwell then things have moved to a situation where she needs to do something. It does seem a big step for the GP to want her to go on insulin and I can understand the reluctance but it there may be other oral medication worth trying first or encourage her to make some dietary changes. There might be some incentive for her to do that if it will avoid the insulin.
There are many people on here who are her age or older who have managed to get their diabetes under control by a life style change but it does require taking that first step.
It looks like she need some incentive to get better.

 

[Sarah C]

I can see you are in a difficult position if she won't engage with you in discussing her condition. If she has become unwell then things have moved to a situation where she needs to do something. It does seem a big step for the GP to want her to go on insulin and I can understand the reluctance but it there may be other oral medication worth trying first or encourage her to make some dietary changes. There might be some incentive for her to do that if it will avoid the insulin.
There are many people on here who are her age or older who have managed to get their diabetes under control by a life style change but it does require taking that first step.
It looks like she need some incentive to get better.

Thank you. I think she has been prescribed other oral meds but has rejected or got fed up of them for one reason or another over the years. I assume that's why they are now talking about insulin. She dismisses that completely. It's exhausting.

 

[Sharron1]

Thank you. I think she has been prescribed other oral meds but has rejected or got fed up of them for one reason or another over the years. I assume that's why they are now talking about insulin. She dismisses that completely. It's exhausting.

Hi,
Sorry to read your post it. I appreciate how terribly difficult it is to know how to handle it. I wonder if a chat with the Practice Nurse might help. A) Because they may have a bit more time to listen you and b) it is probably a situation they have heard before.
Whatever you do. Good luck.

 

[rebrascora]

So very sorry that you are in such a heart breaking situation. For many here the concern about being incapacitated and reliant on others due to diabetes complications is a key factor in keeping ourselves healthy and out BG management as good as it possibly can be. Sight loss and limb loss are real risks with poorly managed diabetes and few of us want to end up dependent on others in such situations.
Unfortunately high BG levels feed anxiety and depression so it can be quite hard to break through that with someone who is stuck in a negative state of mind about the condition and perhaps other issues as well.
Many of us here actually feel like the diagnosis was the kick up the backside we needed to become healthier and fitter and sharing our thoughts and feelings and frustrations here on the forum really helps us to move forward with it and make progress as well as obviously learning from each other. It is uplifting for all of us to congratulate and celebrate other member's successes because we are in some way, part of that success purely through posting our own experiences.

I wonder if your mother might be comfortable reading the forum and possibly eventually posting about how she feels. It is is essentially anonymous anyway in that we don't really know each other other than what we reveal through what we write, although there are meet ups, both virtual at the moment and in person preCovid for those who want to interact more personally. Perhaps reading some inspirational stories and tips on diet etc might give your mum the opportunity to take some control without feeling that her privacy has been invaded or that she is being put under pressure. She could also ask questions about insulin use and have some support with it if she has concerns and that becomes necessary. Many of us use insulin here and it is necessary for us to stay alive, so it is not a bad thing, just what we need, although I confess I cried when they told me I would have to start on it. Looking back it is so, not a big deal and I feel so much better to having my BG levels under better control both physically and mentally.... and I was a comfort eater pre diagnosis.
The needles are really small and fine and modern technology makes dosing and injecting so much easier than 50 years ago, so it really isn't something to be scared of and she will feel so much better when her levels come down. It also doesn't necessarily have to be for the rest of her life. There are Type 2 diabetics who have been on insulin and then changed their diet and lifestyle and not only come off the insulin but come off all diabetes medication. For those of us who are Type 1 it is unfortunately another matter but since your Mum is Type 2 it is a possibility if she got the right information and put some effort into it.

Really hope that you can find a way through to her because she does have options but she needs to "own" her diagnosis and want to do something about it.

Maybe you could start a low carb diet together and exchange recipes and ideas. There is often a genetic element to diabetes so cutting your own carb intake might be beneficial to you in reducing your risk as well as supporting her.

 

[Sarah C]

Hi,
Sorry to read your post it. I appreciate how terribly difficult it is to know how to handle it. I wonder if a chat with the Practice Nurse might help. A) Because they may have a bit more time to listen you and b) it is probably a situation they have heard before.
Whatever you do. Good luck.

Thanks Sharron, that sounds like a good option

 

[Sarah C]

So very sorry that you are in such a heart breaking situation. For many here the concern about being incapacitated and reliant on others due to diabetes complications is a key factor in keeping ourselves healthy and out BG management as good as it possibly can be. Sight loss and limb loss are real risks with poorly managed diabetes and few of us want to end up dependent on others in such situations.
Unfortunately high BG levels feed anxiety and depression so it can be quite hard to break through that with someone who is stuck in a negative state of mind about the condition and perhaps other issues as well.
Many of us here actually feel like the diagnosis was the kick up the backside we needed to become healthier and fitter and sharing our thoughts and feelings and frustrations here on the forum really helps us to move forward with it and make progress as well as obviously learning from each other. It is uplifting for all of us to congratulate and celebrate other member's successes because we are in some way, part of that success purely through posting our own experiences.

I wonder if your mother might be comfortable reading the forum and possibly eventually posting about how she feels. It is is essentially anonymous anyway in that we don't really know each other other than what we reveal through what we write, although there are meet ups, both virtual at the moment and in person preCovid for those who want to interact more personally. Perhaps reading some inspirational stories and tips on diet etc might give your mum the opportunity to take some control without feeling that her privacy has been invaded or that she is being put under pressure. She could also ask questions about insulin use and have some support with it if she has concerns and that becomes necessary. Many of us use insulin here and it is necessary for us to stay alive, so it is not a bad thing, just what we need, although I confess I cried when they told me I would have to start on it. Looking back it is so, not a big deal and I feel so much better to having my BG levels under better control both physically and mentally.... and I was a comfort eater pre diagnosis.
The needles are really small and fine and modern technology makes dosing and injecting so much easier than 50 years ago, so it really isn't something to be scared of and she will feel so much better when her levels come down. It also doesn't necessarily have to be for the rest of her life. There are Type 2 diabetics who have been on insulin and then changed their diet and lifestyle and not only come off the insulin but come off all diabetes medication. For those of us who are Type 1 it is unfortunately another matter but since your Mum is Type 2 it is a possibility if she got the right information and put some effort into it.

Really hope that you can find a way through to her because she does have options but she needs to "own" her diagnosis and want to do something about it.

Maybe you could start a low carb diet together and exchange recipes and ideas. There is often a genetic element to diabetes so cutting your own carb intake might be beneficial to you in reducing your risk as well as supporting her.

Thanks so much for your reply, I feel very moved by your kindness. Reading up about diabetes has definitely inspired me to look at my diet and today I bought a monitor kit and took a reading, so that I can overcome my squeamishness and hopefully my mum will allow me to do hers. It's good to hear that insulin injections are not too awful, well done for coming to terms with it.

 

[Leadinglights]

Your Mum is only a bit older than me and when I moved into the diabetes zone just over a year ago the thought that if I did nothing then I would inflict the burden of being a carer on my daughters was not an option.
I always appreciate my daughter's nagging when it comes to taking some health related action.
A few years ago I fell in the garden and hurt my wrist, didn't do anything about it and it was only her insisting I went to A & E the next day and indeed it was fractured. I know I'm in trouble when she calls me MOTHER rather than Mummy and that's at nearly 48.

 

[Cherrelle DUK]

Hi Sarah C, welcome to the forum.

So sorry to hear about what's happening with your lovely mum. It can be really challenging when dealing with a loved one's health so I'm glad you've found us.

Is there anyone else involved in your mums care? A nurse or GP? Might need a someone who is removed from the situation to intervene as sometimes, family members don't wont to worry or 'burden' their loved ones.

 

[EmmaL76]

You have had some wonderful advice already so haven't much to add other than you sound like a wonderful daughter.

 

[rebrascora]

Oh, well done! Hope you bought a meter which takes relatively cheap test strips, as that is the financial drain when using a BG meter although if your Mum starts on insulin she will be prescribed a meter and test strips.
Come on then? What was the reading you got? I've had really good readings all day so I won't feel too jealous seeing a non diabetic's reading tonight.

Seriously though, only you will know your Mum's mental outlook and therefore the best approach which is most likely to be effective for her. Whether she is the sort that needs a seed of an idea planted and then given time to mull it over herself before dropping another bit of info or giving her the opportunity to raise the issue and discuss it. Or if she values her independence, then somehow making her aware that she is putting that at serious risk without scaring her too much. Personally I would be far more frightened of being incapacitated than dying because I am fiercely independent, so for me I have to take as much control of this as I can.
Think about what motivates your Mum and work on an approach which focuses on that. So if you and perhaps her grandchildren are her world then maybe focus on the genetic side of it and wanting to be reassured that, if she can conquer this, so can you, if need be, so that you need her to be your role model, as of course she has always been in life. If she can't do it for herself, perhaps she can do it for you... that sort of thing. Or the obvious truth, that you are dreadfully worried about losing her and want to do anything to help her manage things better and you can't just ignore the elephant in the room that is her diabetes.

Really hope you can somehow find a way to help her move forwards as she could be so much happier and healthier if she could find the will to accept and take control of her condition.

We are here to support you anyway. Sometimes it is useful for us to see things from a close relative's perspective as it is too easy just to focus on how it affects us. We can all learn something from each other so do stick with us and shout up if you need to blow some frustration or ask a question or better still, tell us that you are making some progress with your Mum. Really wishing for the latter to happen. Sending (((hugs)))

 

[Drummer]

I was 70 this year and managing type two on diet alone.
I just do not need medication for diabetes and even my need for Thyroxine, which I have take for ages, is now reducing every time it is tested. The diet is easy to do and I feel great. I am getting out now, and my diary is filling up with all sorts of interesting activities.
Not only don't I have complications, my blood glucose is in normal numbers after every meal. I hope to go on like this for a good few years yet.
Diabetes used to be regarded as progressive and an extremely nasty way to go. That simply isn't the case, and I do hope that you can convince your mum that it is possible to reverse type two and live an untroubled life.

 

[silentsquirrel]

I was 70 this year and managing type two on diet alone.
I just do not need medication for diabetes and even my need for Thyroxine, which I have take for ages, is now reducing every time it is tested. The diet is easy to do and I feel great. I am getting out now, and my diary is filling up with all sorts of interesting activities.
Not only don't I have complications, my blood glucose is in normal numbers after every meal. I hope to go on like this for a good few years yet.
Diabetes used to be regarded as progressive and an extremely nasty way to go. That simply isn't the case, and I do hope that you can convince your mum that it is possible to reverse type two and live an untroubled life.

Just because it is working for you does NOT mean it will work for everyone. You might like to amend your final sentence to "it MAY be possible FOR SOME to reverse....."

 

[Drummer]

Just because it is working for you does NOT mean it will work for everyone. You might like to amend your final sentence to "it MAY be possible FOR SOME to reverse....."

Nice one - no point in Sarah C showing this thread to her mother now, is there.

 

[Gwynn]

Rebrascora: Fabulous, helpful and gracious replies there. So insightful too.

I agree with Drummers responses too. I had been unwell for a long time. At diagnosis things were pretty dire. I could hardly walk or speak too let alone all the diabetes symptoms. At nearly 70 years old the thought of having diabetes filled me with dread as it has had very sad consequences in my family before.

With diet and exercise lifestyle changes (both tough at first) I have managed to get the diabetes into remission. So it is possible for some.

I do hope you and your mother can help each other.

This forum and the many helpful messages could possibly help your mother. I do hope so.

 

[Sarah C]

You have had some wonderful advice already so haven't much to add other than you sound like a wonderful daughter.

That's very kind of you but I don't feel it, I feel like I should be able to get through to her somehow but she's very difficult. I'll keep trying and there is such wonderful advice and support here I feel more positive