Show respect and consideration, please.

[Northerner]

Can I just remind people that this is a support forum, here for people struggling with wide-ranging problems, both physical and mental, and trying to get to grips with a very difficult, confounding and often debilitating condition. We are here to help people manage their diagnosis and offer friendly advice based on our accumulated experience as both people affected by diabetes and also as caring human beings.

This requires respect for the sensitivities and convictions of others. You may not agree with them, but they should never be mocked or undermined, just because you do not think them important - they may have a great deal of importance to others who you may know via their posts, or who you will never even be aware of, because they read the posts, but decide this is not the place for them. I have been moderating this forum practically since its inception, and for many years prior to this I helped moderate a depression forum. In 20 years of experience, one continuing claim has always been that people who are upset or offended by things, whatever they may be, must be lacking in humour. People do not lack humour, but they do not all find the same things funny. It's not funny to feel excluded from posting because your feelings or viewpoints may be derided, leaving you feeling cut off from your best source of help. Stand in another person's shoes and always think twice.

I will not allow this hugely important resource to become unwelcoming for anyone who needs help and support. I don't believe anyone here has that intention, but it clearly happens and there is no need for it. Treat others with respect. If anyone thinks this in some way dictatorial, you are welcome to believe it. Support for those in need is why this forum exists, there are many other platforms available for anyone wishing to step outside our guidelines, so please read them and respect them. I try very hard to moderate with a light touch, but sometimes the old adage of 'give an inch' appears to apply, which is very disappointing.

 

[silentsquirrel]

Just bumping this back to page 1 of recent posts!

 

[mikeyB]

And me too!

 

[KateR]

I hate being mocked too, having had experience both at school and work, so I would never do it to others.

 

[Jonsi]

I must admit to never having seen any post on this site where any other forum member has been mocked (although I have seen a few 'terse' replies when there has been a difference of opinion). We all live with Diabetes, whether directly or indirectly, and the effects it has on all our lives. For some this effect is profound, others less so, but we are all dealing with the same thing ultimately. That common fact makes this community but, unlike other communities, this is one joined out of choice rather than just by circumstance.

All of us are equally able to post our thoughts, suggestions, opinions, fears, humour, rants etc. I have never seen any post where anyone has been denied the ability to post or has been specifically excluded. If a person wants to comment then they can. I have not seen any mechanism in use on this forum (other than Moderation) whereby forum members cannot post, so some of @Northerner's comments above confuse me a bit.

Not everyone here will agree with everything posted - that is in the nature of people everywhere, not just here. We do have a Like option for the posts that we like and we have a Report option for those posts which are excessive or plain offensive. Perhaps we are missing a Dislike option where we can express our disapproval of a post without removing the right of the OP to post that opinion and without starting some kind of 'Flaming' activity?

Whilst I might not go quite as far as Voltaire over discussions on an Internet Forum, his quote is, I believe, most apposite "I disapprove of what you say, but will defend to the death your right to say it."

 

[Owen]

I seemed to have missed something, on other forums in the past, including one for mental health. There has been a section where contentious threads can be moved to rather than completely removed. I am not suggesting that this is a good thing, but perhaps allows freedom of speech without fear. As far as I can see moderation appears to balanced and fair, plus it is a tough job to try and anticipate every possible persons opinion, so sometimes I suppose it is better safe than sorry.

 

[Hazel]

Well said Jonsi

 

[Amigo]

Can I just make it clear because it could reflect on me badly otherwise, that my 'palace' post was moved/removed not because I posted anything contentious or offensive but because the ensuing discussion was censored by Admin. as unsuitable.
I feel I need to make this clear because people have asked me today what I said that was so wrong and that concerns me.
I endorse Jonsi's excellent points on this and always feel sad when any member ends up feeling bruised or discouraged by anything that is posted on here. We are all battling a common foe but shouldn't start battling each other as a result.

 

[MikeTurin]

I must admit to never having seen any post on this site where any other forum member has been mocked (although I have seen a few 'terse' replies when there has been a difference of opinion). We all live with Diabetes, whether directly or indirectly, and the effects it has on all our lives. For some this effect is profound, others less so, but we are all dealing with the same thing ultimately. That common fact makes this community but, unlike other communities, this is one joined out of choice rather than just by circumstance.

Luckily here isn't Facebook.
Having been diagnosed with diabetes is hard, and finding support is difficult, especially if one goes through the institutional medical path.
I've researched and researched and I found this forum, and DCUK too, really useful to get informations and help.
I haven't seen nobody being accused or mocked up by its condition, Au contraire, on Facebook and worse in real life could happen that one is mocked up or accused that being diabetic was caused by bad lifestyle (fat lazy gluttons, this is the divine punishment for yours).

 

[Northerner]

Absolutely nothing wrong with what @Amigo posted. Some people also seem to be misinterpreting my post here. Many people are completely unaware that unnecessary conflict, sometimes with personal overtones, can be a very off-putting environment for many people. I've often been surprised myself that some things I have said have caused offence or distress - I was simply pointing this out and explaining why we have guidelines. If people feel they are unable to contribute and keep within those guidelines - which are mostly just social norms anyway - then that is their decision.

 

[mikeyB]

If I could make one point. I don't see how the posts on Amogos thread were unsuitable, though I didn't see them all. When a thread like that is locked, I think we need a full explanation as to why that was done, and I would like to hear the reasons anyone gave for complaining, since you yourself contributed to the discussion on the thread. If the sole reason was disrespecting the total family, then I'm not sure I want to stick around on a forum where the counter argument is simply deleting everything.

 

[Northerner]

If I could make one point. I don't see how the posts on Amogos thread were unsuitable, though I didn't see them all. When a thread like that is locked, I think we need a full explanation as to why that was done, and I would like to hear the reasons anyone gave for complaining, since you yourself contributed to the discussion on the thread. If the sole reason was disrespecting the total family, then I'm not sure I want to stick around on a forum where the counter argument is simply deleting everything.

Can I just reiterate that my post here was not about one particular thread, but intended as a gentle reminder. The thread that was removed was removed because it had moved beyond a debate on the original topic and elements of personal animosity had crept in - basically it's easier sometimes to simply move the thread out (yes @Owen, we do have a 'Quarantine' area so moderators can discuss thread/post suitability - you may occasionally see a 'Research' thread that appears, disappears and reappears once checked for authenticity) than to start picking out individual posts. Must admit, I'm a bit incredulous that it's being perceived that moderation here is heavy-handed and arbitrary 🙄

 

[Lindarose]

It's a shame that recently there have been a few posts that seem to have an element of back biting. I think those of us who read most of the posts will agree. It doesn't happen often but sometimes.
It's right that whilst we can't all agree on everything the forum has to be a kind place where opinions are exchanged in a warm and friendly way.
Diabetes can be hard enough to deal with and our forum needs to continue to be a support for us all.

 

[grovesy]

Can I just reiterate that my post here was not about one particular thread, but intended as a gentle reminder. The thread that was removed was removed because it had moved beyond a debate on the original topic and elements of personal animosity had crept in - basically it's easier sometimes to simply move the thread out (yes @Owen, we do have a 'Quarantine' area so moderators can discuss thread/post suitability - you may occasionally see a 'Research' thread that appears, disappears and reappears once checked for authenticity) than to start picking out individual posts. Must admit, I'm a bit incredulous that it's being perceived that moderation here is heavy-handed and arbitrary 🙄

That will be why I sometimes think I have gone mad.

 

[mikeyB]

I don't think it's heavy handed or arbitrary at all, it's always fair and reasonable, and for that I'm sure we're all grateful. What I was asking for was words of explanation as a routine, if only so people who don't know, can learn civilised discourse.

I would be interested to learn, for example, why DL's last joke was removed. Yes, it was adult, but there was no sex, only an intimation thereof, and nothing actually happened. What was the problem? That theoretical children could read it? There are dozens more jokes on that thread that are more adult- why this particular one? That, to me is the confusing bit - the apparent lack of consistency.

 

[Ralph-YK]

I can think of one thread recently where someone has been put off. And another one a little while ago where another left. It appears quite a civilised pollite place. However, it is quite possible for someone, particularly new, to find responses not quite friendly enough.
It's also possible to miss the moderation/admin that happens. Picking up on some of the comments recently, I'd not noticed threads or posts disaperaring. It can seem to be one homegenus group with no discord with no sign of moderation.
I did see one thread removed altogether (it'll be months ago now, quessing because of the 'drama'), and I can understand why.
[Edited]

 

[Ralph-YK]

On another forum I'm on, when moderators/admin delete a post they'll put in a comment, and actively direct people to keep on topic, be civil etc. Sometimes they'll just say "post deleted" though, which isn't very informative.
If it goes too far they may close a thread (stop any further comments) as opposed to deleting the whole thing. Allowing people to see the useful info that was posted.
There is also something called a Dirty Delete, that isn't allowed there. This is where the OP edits his OP, deleting or changeing it so the replies & discussion no longer fit. That can get you band.

 

[Northerner]

I don't think it's heavy handed or arbitrary at all, it's always fair and reasonable, and for that I'm sure we're all grateful. What I was asking for was words of explanation as a routine, if only so people who don't know, can learn civilised discourse.

I would be interested to learn, for example, why DL's last joke was removed. Yes, it was adult, but there was no sex, only an intimation thereof, and nothing actually happened. What was the problem? That theoretical children could read it? There are dozens more jokes on that thread that are more adult- why this particular one? That, to me is the confusing bit - the apparent lack of consistency.

I haven't deleted any of DL's jokes, he took it upon himself to delete them himself yesterday (unprompted by me). Generally, I will only remove a joke if someone complains about it and their complaint is valid. Hardly anyone ever complains, so it's very rare for anything to get removed, so that might explain the apparent inconsistency. Also, if anyone is wondering why DL now appears as a 'Guest' it's because he insisted I delete his account (posts do not get deleted, just profiles).

 

[AlisonM]

I've been a mod and admin on a number of forums over the last 20 plus years and this place, in my experience, is unique in that there are few occasions when any moderation is required. This is bloomin' amazing when you think about it. This forum is one of the most peaceful and inclusive online resources I've ever encountered and that's down to one man, Northe. Northe can be counted on to rule the roost with a light touch, the rest of the mod team simply try to follow his example. He's the best Admin I've ever come across, including me.

What we all have to remember is the true purpose of this forum, supporting folk with diabetes and anything else they might face in addition to the D. People come to us and are often in a right state and very fragile both physically and emotionally, we have to remember that at all times and temper our actions accordingly. Things posted can be so easily misunderstood as I know only too well, I've stood on both sides of that divide, I'm sure all of you have too. All we ask is that you think before you post, is that too much?

Finally, and speaking from the point of view of a behavioural psychologist, I am very aware that in an online situation where folk are holding conversations, it's hard to be sure what is meant because you're not face to face with the participants and can only go on what is written without the physical clues given by expression or body language. If a body tells you to Efforf in person while grinning like a loon, you know they're kidding, but how can you know that's the case in print? We all know things can go a little too far at times and comments that would be brushed off in person get taken seriously. We all know too, that there are boundaries of behaviour in social situations and we try to apply those here as well, it's not unreasonable when you think about it. This is a social situation, it's just not a physical one, the same rules exist in the Diaverse as in the pub or the office.

 

[robert@fm]

There is also something called a Dirty Delete, that isn't allowed there. This is where the OP edits his OP, deleting or changeing it so the replies & discussion no longer fit. That can get you band.

Most good forum software (and vBulletin v3) have a feature whereby a poster cannot delete his/her post if it's the one which started the thread, because doing that would result in (usually accidental, but possibly malicious) deletion of the entire thread. This feature was enabled on the Email Discussions forum when a poster was (IIRC) getting rid of posts he felt were obsolete, so as not to clutter the board, and found to his horror that he had deleted quite a long and useful thread.