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Not coping

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This thread is now closed. Please contact Anna DUK, Ieva DUK or everydayupsanddowns if you would like it re-opened.
W

Wilo

New Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
Hello everyone,

It is difficult to say how I feel this morning. I have been type 1 for around 8 years and from day one have struggled to come to terms and get it under control. The last 4 months have been terrible having recently gone blind in one eye caused by a blood clot which damaged the nerve behind the eye. Then in and out of hospital with chest pains. Now over the last few months really bad foot and leg pains which I suspect is diabetes related. I suffer frequently from depression which I constantly fight without medication.

But today it is just too much. Just sat thinking when is it going to end. Don't get me wrong i am not suicidal just ready to go as it is all too much.

God come and get me
 
Wilo said:
Hello everyone,

It is difficult to say how I feel this morning. I have been type 1 for around 8 years and from day one have struggled to come to terms and get it under control. The last 4 months have been terrible having recently gone blind in one eye caused by a blood clot which damaged the nerve behind the eye. Then in and out of hospital with chest pains. Now over the last few months really bad foot and leg pains which I suspect is diabetes related. I suffer frequently from depression which I constantly fight without medication.

But today it is just too much. Just sat thinking when is it going to end. Don't get me wrong i am not suicidal just ready to go as it is all too much.

God come and get me
Click to expand...

You really have been through it all haven't you!! there are soooo many folks on here to support you, don't feel you are on your own, you sound like you need some support not just meds but talking to someone, I really hope you start to feel better soon and good luck, just remember we are all here to help.
 
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Hi Wilo, welcome to the forum. So sorry to hear you are feeling so down :( What insulin regime are you on? Please make an appointment to see your DSN or doctor, there are lots of ways they can help. Don't dismiss medication to help you with your depression, sometimes it can be necessary to help you through particularly difficult times. Do you know anyone else with diabetes? It can help to talk things through with others who understand and can remove some of the feelings of isolation that diabetes often brings. If you don't know anyone personally, it might help to contact the Diabetes UK Careline service:

http://www.diabetes.org.uk/How_we_help/Talk-to-someone/Careline/

I hope that you are feeling stronger soon.
 
Thank you for taking the time out to reply to my message. I am currently on nova rapid and levemir. It has been a difficult weekend not really moved or talked. Luckily the wife was working so not really seeing my big secret. Too many people depending on me and the pressure is too much. The pain is unbearable and to smile through the darkness and assure the wife and children all ok is difficult.

Thank you again
 
Wilo said:
Thank you for taking the time out to reply to my message. I am currently on nova rapid and levemir. It has been a difficult weekend not really moved or talked. Luckily the wife was working so not really seeing my big secret. Too many people depending on me and the pressure is too much. The pain is unbearable and to smile through the darkness and assure the wife and children all ok is difficult.

Thank you again
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It's difficult having to put on a brave face. If you are feeling like this then it is hard to be strong for others. Are there any ways you might relieve some of the pressures and expectations? Maybe just itemising things and working through priorities would help so you are not feeling quite so overwhelmed. What are your blood sugar levels like generally? As you probably know, higher levels can lead to mood swings, so spending a few minutes each day just to try and take care of them would help a little. There will nearly always be someone around here if you need some company. Many of us have experienced depression so you can talk freely without fear of judgement.
 
Hi Wilo. "BIG" virtual handshake ! Let off some steam on us. 🙂
 
Hello again,

My sugars fluctuate from 5.5 right up to 25.00 and off the scale. I am a none smoker & small drinker. Probably not accepted the seriousness of the diabetes for years never had any symptoms or illness, but recently it has all caught up. I am 41 years old with a 16 year old son and 8 year old daughter and when looking at them cannot help feeling on borrowed time which makes me feel more guilty with my recklessness. My wife has stated many times I can look after anyone but myself. But the diabetes just beats me every time it is not a challenge I have been able to beat. I mentioned once it is like been an alcoholic sometimes my control is perfect and then I feel better then I fall off the wagon again then although I do not feel good my body becomes used to feeling bad to the stage it does not feel bad anymore, just normal.
 
Wilo said:
Hello again,

My sugars fluctuate from 5.5 right up to 25.00 and off the scale. I am a none smoker & small drinker. Probably not accepted the seriousness of the diabetes for years never had any symptoms or illness, but recently it has all caught up. I am 41 years old with a 16 year old son and 8 year old daughter and when looking at them cannot help feeling on borrowed time which makes me feel more guilty with my recklessness. My wife has stated many times I can look after anyone but myself. But the diabetes just beats me every time it is not a challenge I have been able to beat. I mentioned once it is like been an alcoholic sometimes my control is perfect and then I feel better then I fall off the wagon again then although I do not feel good my body becomes used to feeling bad to the stage it does not feel bad anymore, just normal.
Click to expand...

Hey, don't feel guilty and worry about the past, it's not something you can change now. I know just what you mean about being good for a while and then relaxing a bit and suddenly finding yourself in the pit again - it happens to me on a regular basis. I now try to spot the warning signs to make sure that, even if I'm not being particularly healthy, I do pay heed to my levels. Are you able to explain those highs, or do you just feel bad about seeing them and not really interested in the whys and wherefores? It's worth spending just a few minutes to note down possible factors. Have you done a diabetes education course, like DAFNE for example? Not only does this help with things like carb counting, but mixing with others in a similar situation is often one of the best things people take away from the course.

Don't feel guilty, confide in your wife and accept her help. It can be hard to seek help, but the feeling of relief once it begins to make a difference is so much better than the feelings of helplessness you feel from shouldering it alone.
 
Hi Wilo,

Talk to your DSN about your concerns and sugar levels. To me, it sounds as though you are an ideal candidate for a change in monitoring and Insulin administration.

Technology in Diabetes Self Management has progressed a long way over the last eight years. There are Insulin pumps with continuous glucose monitors (CGM) wirelessly linked to each other that take the effort out of balancing things yourself.

I myself have been recommended for a CGM that wirelessly triggers an alarm if my sugars are too high or too low with blood sugar measurements taken every five minutes.
 
Welcome to the boards, Wilo.

Another recommendation to ask DSN about updating your treatment plans and asking about joining an education programme such as DAFNE (Dose Adjustment For Normal Eating).
 
Hi Wilo and welcome to the forum 🙂. I'm really sorry to hear about the problems you are having with your diabetes and how depressed you are feeling. Coincidentally, my son was also diagnosed type 1 8 years ago (he was 4 at the time), and there is no doubt that those 8 years have been relentless hard work. My husband (sadly now ex) couldn't come to terms with the diagnosis and became depressed, distancing himself from our son's diabetes care and sapping the joy out of other areas of his own life. He wouldn't seek any help for his depression unfortunately. He used to complain that all we ever talked about was diabetes, and is much happier to be away from it! However you can't get away from your own diabetes, so please do go and get some help for your depression first and foremost.

On the diabetes side of things, do you have a good supportive consultant and diabetes nurse? If not, consider moving hospital (we had to do this for a proper standard of care). Have you had your foot and leg pain investigated?

There are lots of us here who are happy to help with suggestions to improve your diabetes care if you want suggestions! Everyone with type 1 is subject to fluctuating levels, if we were all 4-6 mmol all day we'd be cured 😉. The key is to try and narrow the range of the fluctuations, and/or to bring levels back into line more quickly. A good tip is to increase how often you do a BG test - so that even if your levels shoot up to 25 and beyond, you will detect it sooner by testing more frequently, and be able to do a correction injection and be closer to normal BG levels by your next meal.

If you feel like having a "fresh start", I recommend Ragnar Hanas's book (not just for children, it's great for all type 1's and full of positive vibes)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Type-1-Diab...8&qid=1371996265&sr=8-1&keywords=ragnar+hanas

Hope things turn a corner for you soon 🙂
 
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