My wife does not care?

[jalapino]

So it, s been nearly 3 weeks since i found out i had diabetes, i feel so lost and lonely, every time i talk to my wife about it she gets funny! i talk to her about it because i need some one to talk to, i read of the net and am just educating myself, as i have not seen my diabetes nurse yet, until next week, she ses it is getting her down and she admits she is being selfish!!! so basically i cannot talk to her about it, i feel so angry because if it was her i would be there for her because that is how i am, i cook clean do as much as i can with my 2 kids and im only 35, what more should i do? i have bad asthma and a very physical job in the marine industy so i do my bit, all i want is support from my wife !! is this to much to ask? so i told her i will not mention it again, i feel let down and lonley now.

 

[Steff]

Jalape?o I'm very sorry to hear this I'm the opposite as I have support but choose to keep it all to myself,but I'm at a slight advantage that my partner has a ex who had type 1 so it was not exactly new to him,anyways enough about me,maybe your wife's refusal to entertain the subject of diabetes is cause of denial she sounds like she does not want to face up to it, but as you say and she has said that is a very selfish attitude you need all the support and love when your first diagnosed and you look for that firstly with your loved ones,I wonder if you accidentally leaveg this forum open or any other diabetic sites open she may see for herself support not only from professionals but loved ones in imperative

 

[Northerner]

Give her time, I imagine this is also quite scary and confusing for her too, wondering what the future holds. Perhaps she has been reading some of the scary things about diabetes and is finding it hard to come to terms with. It may also be that she is not used to seeing you worrying like this and doesn't quite know how to handle things. I know it is you that has the diabetes, but I think it can also come as a shock to those around you who care for you.

I'm sure she'll come around before too long 🙂

 

[Steff]

Just to add she is going to have to care if you are suffering a hyper and can't help yourself,she needs time as northerner said but in situations where hypers arise you need someone with a cool head and support and understanding around.unfortunetly the people you live with need to learn how to act in these times,my 10 yr old knows what he has to do with me

 

[jalapino]

Jalape?o I'm very sorry to hear this I'm the opposite as I have support but choose to keep it all to myself,but I'm at a slight advantage that my partner has a ex who had type 1 so it was not exactly new to him,anyways enough about me,maybe your wife's refusal to entertain the subject of diabetes is cause of denial she sounds like she does not want to face up to it, but as you say and she has said that is a very selfish attitude you need all the support and love when your first diagnosed and you look for that firstly with your loved ones,I wonder if you accidentally leaveg this forum open or any other diabetic sites open she may see for herself support not only from professionals but loved ones in imperative

We shout at each other last night and she said it was getting her down, this i understand, but she kept saying she was selfish, with this i said so please support me! she made it clear that i need to " man up " i am a good hard working and caring man, this was a shock to me.

 

[Steff]

We shout at each other last night and she said it was getting her down, this i understand, but she kept saying she was selfish, with this i said so please support me! she made it clear that i need to " man up " i am a good hard working and caring man, this was a shock to me.

Yes you sound like you are,I'm not going to slag your wife off as I don't know her and do understand a little about her attitude,but as I said in my last post it could become dangerous if she does not start opening her ears and learning up on diabetes.

 

[andree]

hi jalapino - sorry to hear your havin a bad time . it can only get better. may I suggest that you invite her to you next appointment with the specialist, Its sometimes helpful for the third party opinion to be heard. 🙂 make sure you expert opinion and that you understand what care you shoud expect! there are people that can help..........

 

[ukjohn]

Jalapino

Can I suggest you try and get your wife to acompany you to your appointment next week with your nurse, she may learn something there or at least get some insight as to whats involved. As Northerner has said, she may be in shock or denial herself over it. My mother had a saying about illness and rows, I've used it ofter, it goes " You always hurt the one you love ". Rather than running her down on the forum, give her a chance

John.

 

[ukjohn]

oops, beat me to it Andree 🙂

 

[jalapino]

Jalapino

Can I suggest you try and get your wife to acompany you to your appointment next week with your nurse, she may learn something there or at least get some insight as to whats involved. As Northerner has said, she may be in shock or denial herself over it. My mother had a saying about illness and rows, I've used it ofter, it goes " You always hurt the one you love ". Rather than running her down on the forum, give her a chance

John.

Thankyou, that makes sense, i told her to come along to see nurse etc, i no she looks at me as her big man that looks after her, but last night after her harsh words made me feel that this is not the women i married, but i do love her and i no these things effect everyone in odd ways. but i still feel hurt by the way she has dealt with it, i am the one that has to live with it.

 

[Northerner]

...i no she looks at me as her big man that looks after her...

I think this is probably the key point - she's not used to seeing you having to deal with problems and ask for help. When you both know a bit more about what it all entails, I'm sure you will both be able to help each other 🙂

 

[Ellie Jones]

As the others said, she's probably just as scared as you are about the out come, don't know what to say to you and don't want to dump her fear's onto you has she's feel's you got enough to contend with...

You've both got a lot of thoughts firing around your minds, as you said that you have asthma, which I assume was something that you had before you met your wife, she's taken that on board and you've both weighed this up when you decided to start your family, now thrown into the mix is T2 diabetes which for the kids side of things a doubly whammy of genetic's mix that they may or may not inherit from you...

But as you are asthmatic and steroid's generally is part of the treatment of asthma then in your case, your T2 diabetes could well be linked to your asthma treatment (Steroids increases the BG levels) and not genetic based, unless of cause you've got T2 in the family history?

But you've got us lot here, who you can talked to and ask advise from, while you allow your wife to come to terms with it all... So no need to feel totally alone..

 

[NatB]

I am sorry to hear you are having a difficult time at the moment.
My husband found it very difficult when I was first diagnosed with type 1.
He wouldnt talk about it much to begin with and I felt he wasn't interested but he was scared and upset too.
He's now brilliant with it all and knows straight away when I'm in need of anything.
I'm sure you will sort things out. Don't be too hard on your wife.
Good luck with your appointment. 🙂

 

[pippaandben]

My husband just wanted the whole situation to "go away". He was used to me being the one having to look after him through various medical problems and ferrying him around different hospitals for tests, scans and consultant appts. Now it was ME - and he did not know how to cope. Initially complaining in the first weeks that I was scaring myself when trying to educate myself - when it was himself who was petrified I now realise.

I had to spell out to him several times exactly what to do if a had a hypo and where the glucose tablets were and also what to do if the ketone tests were high. This was unlikely but so important that he could help if I needed it

It took a couple of months before he truly realised that this was a potentially life threatening disease that had to be taken seriously. He is now after a year totally supportive and can not be stopped from coming to the Desmond course with me next month. He asks each time what my test results are. From this I know he loves, cares and worries for me - but being a man won't admit it!!

Hope this helps you. Do you have any local friends you know of who could talk to you both before your appts? Might help her not to feel isolated. She is in shock but then you are as well.

 

[jalapino]

As the others said, she's probably just as scared as you are about the out come, don't know what to say to you and don't want to dump her fear's onto you has she's feel's you got enough to contend with...

You've both got a lot of thoughts firing around your minds, as you said that you have asthma, which I assume was something that you had before you met your wife, she's taken that on board and you've both weighed this up when you decided to start your family, now thrown into the mix is T2 diabetes which for the kids side of things a doubly whammy of genetic's mix that they may or may not inherit from you...

But as you are asthmatic and steroid's generally is part of the treatment of asthma then in your case, your T2 diabetes could well be linked to your asthma treatment (Steroids increases the BG levels) and not genetic based, unless of cause you've got T2 in the family history?

But you've got us lot here, who you can talked to and ask advise from, while you allow your wife to come to terms with it all... So no need to feel totally alone..

Thankyou... my gran and both grandads had type 1.... and nice to have you all here

 

[jalapino]

My husband just wanted the whole situation to "go away". He was used to me being the one having to look after him through various medical problems and ferrying him around different hospitals for tests, scans and consultant appts. Now it was ME - and he did not know how to cope. Initially complaining in the first weeks that I was scaring myself when trying to educate myself - when it was himself who was petrified I now realise.

I had to spell out to him several times exactly what to do if a had a hypo and where the glucose tablets were and also what to do if the ketone tests were high. This was unlikely but so important that he could help if I needed it

It took a couple of months before he truly realised that this was a potentially life threatening disease that had to be taken seriously. He is now after a year totally supportive and can not be stopped from coming to the Desmond course with me next month. He asks each time what my test results are. From this I know he loves, cares and worries for me - but being a man won't admit it!!

Hope this helps you. Do you have any local friends you know of who could talk to you both before your appts? Might help her not to feel isolated. She is in shock but then you are as well.

Thankyou pippa, i just want my life back and my partner to understand.

 

[Newtothis]

Its true that time is a great healer; being diagnosed with diabetes is hard to comprehend and I'm sure you're wife is just as scared as you and therefore does feel guilty. My husband although understanding doesn't talk about my diabetes but I know he loves me and will be there for me when I need him. You're doing the right thing by researching this condition; diabetes is very personal and I'm sure in time you're wife will want to know more but don't force it upon her. We're all here for you; ask as many questions as you can..more importantly take good care of you and relax... Amanda xx 🙂

 

[margie]

You and or your wife could try calling the Diabetes Care line

http://www.diabetes.org.uk/How_we_help/Careline/

I hope things improve for you, the diagnosis is likely a shock to both of you. It may be that she is finding it hard to cope with your diagnosis - and not talking is her way of coping. Not that that helps you but if it is the case - her talking to someone may help and open up the way to her being more supportive.

 

[novorapidboi26]

I sympathize with you. I am actually quite shocked at your wife's response, but, everyone reacts differently..........time will be on your side..........once you have been educated a bit more you will feel more at ease and this will rub off on the misses......

Good luck, and welcome........🙂

 

[rossi_mac]

Hi, I can imagine your wife being scarred, as I'm sure you are, I would say give her time, if you have two kids and you do a lot she is probably very worried if anything would happen to you, we all react differently at the start, try not to be too harsh back to her, it will work it's way through, and it is a good suggestion to take her along to your first appointment, as it will affect you both and two heads are better than one at remembering things.

Take care and chin up, you sound like a switched on guy and before long you'll have it all under control and passing on words of comfort/advise to others here.

Take care,

Rossi