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My husband is lost to me - ED, type 2

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S

skeggs885

New Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Hi

Im looking for some advise from partners of men with type 2 perhaps when they were newly diagnosed... My husband diagnosed a year ago and has come as a big shock for him as he has never even been ill before.. He has lost 7 stone and is obsessive about what he eats now.. he is engrossed in himself and runs his life pretty much around his own hobbies.. sports.. I have tried to be supportive and we now don't socialise in the way we did before with new restaurants etc but now he has become very unaffectionate distant and says he feels like the old him has died.. He does not have any sex drive which I cannot believe and he does not get erections... I just don't know what to do but it is definitely affecting our marriage now as I feel like I'm just the person he lives with and I need more than that.. I'm 54.. I can't do without sex but affection i can't. :(
 
Unfortunately, high blood sugars can affect all sorts of things including sex drive, medications can also have an effect. As for the relationship, the only thing you can do is be honest with him about how you feel and talk it all through. It's no good letting things fester, that won't help either of you.

I would also suggest you might find some counselling help for yourself which may give you the tools you need to rebuild your relationship taking into account your changed circumstances. It may also help you steer your husband into slightly less obsessive ways of dealing with his diabetes, though it's a good thing he's taking it seriously, he needs to remember there are two of you in the marriage and you have needs too.

It's a hard road for both of you but if you persevere, you may end up with a much stronger relationship.
 
Welcome to the forum skeggs885 🙂

Personally I think your husband is going through a kind of denial where he has drawn into himself rather then the usual kind where its "this isn't really happening to me". Hopefully he will snap out of it given time (but not too much time).

I'd agree with Alison has written.
 
I don't have any particular knowledge or experience to share, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear what you're both going through. An open and honest conversation between you might help, but only you know yourself and your partner enough to know really. Counselling is a very good suggestion. I hope you can find a solution for both of you.

Take care.
 
So sorry to hear about your situation, Skeggs. 😱 Something similar happened to me when I was first diagnosed (aged 41) - I shut the whole world out, including my husband. It was a really tough time for both of us, as my whole life had to change, but his didn't, and I'm ashamed to say I was full of anger and aimed most of it in his direction.

We haven't been to counselling (we live in Spain, and hubby says his Spanish isn't good enuff), but we seem to have muddled thru by gradually being more open about how we're feeling.

It sounds like a heart-to-heart is needed in your case - you both have to live with his diabetes after all. Don't discount counselling - I've got friends that have found it extremely useful. Good luck...😱🙂
 
This must be so tough for you Skeggs because at the point in your life when you should be sharing and working together on his 'new reality', he's decided to go off and be a lone warrior and shutting you out! It's interesting that he says he feels he's not the same man but he's lost 7 stone, now presumably fitter, healthier and leaner and if anything is probably a more attractive man to you!

Much depends on whether he's motivated to tackle this. You need some time alone together talking this through. Tell him how much you miss him (but don't make sexual demands at this point). He could have some underlying depression as a result of the shock of the diagnosis. Hard to know whether his ED is psychological or physical but that would have to be discussed with his doctor. Would he ever agree to you going together to discuss this with the doc with the aim to some psycho-sexual counselling? Some men would rather pull their toe nails out with pliers unfortunately! :confused:

I don't know how open the communication still is between you but you may need someone to build a bridge between you. He's trying to run (literally) from his problems and fear may be motivating him. It is a massive over reaction but it's how he's coping especially if illness is new to him. My cousin's husband did the same (honestly). He went from couch potato to Mr. Gym Man overnight...it was very odd but in truth I don't know whether it's affected their sex life.

Wishing you luck with this because he's allowing something manageable like diabetes to dictate and making you a victim too. Somehow I hope he can find some perspective in this. Best Wishes, Amigo 😱
 
Whilst I feel a lot of sympathy for your cause....

Maybe be it would best in everbodys interests, if you changed the thread title.
 
emmo26 said:
Whilst I feel a lot of sympathy for your cause....

Maybe be it would best in everbodys interests, if you changed the thread title.
Click to expand...

Members are unable to change thread titles. Why do you think it needs changing?
 
The title could easily be misconstrued as her husband died due to complications of T2.

Its like me saying...
I lost my wife to cancer....
<open thread>
.
.

She had the operation, and now she is in the all clear...But she never speaks to me.
 
emmo26 said:
The title could easily be misconstrued as her husband died due to complications of T2.

Its like me saying...
I lost my wife to cancer....
<open thread>
.
.

She had the operation, and now she is in the all clear...But she never speaks to me.
Click to expand...

I see what you mean, I have changed the title (hope you don't mind skeggs)
 
Northerner said:
I see what you mean, I have changed the title (hope you don't mind skeggs)
Click to expand...

Yeah, I thought he'd died. I feel a bit stupid too - I didn't register what ED meant. D'oh.
 
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