Hi Mark,
I understand your fears - I think every diabetic who is intelligent & honest enough to think about their condition probably feels scared sometimes. I think it's a case of retaining perspective though - you have drawn what some might call the short straw of diabetes, but on the flip side, you will now be much more aware of what you do with your body, which in turn will stand you in much better stead than some of your non diabetic buddies! 🙂 You will also be much more closely watched by the health professionals, so the chances are if anything does crop up (whether D related or not), it will be treated earlier & therefore you'll have a better outcome - good silver lining eh? 🙂
I promise you, it WILL get easier to cope with, but like Garthion said, definitely worth a chat with the docs. I had pnd post baby number 1, partly due to the diabetes I suspect, but getting help (counselling & antidepressants) was the right thing to do - it gave me a chance to be on an even keel until I could get my head around things & take back control. If you are getting to the stage where things feel so bleak that you can't imagine things ever feeling better, you really need to have a chat with the doc - whether they suggest antidepressants or not, chances are you'll feel better for it. I also strongly suspect that once your levels stabilise & you get good control, you will feel so much better about all this - I know I get really low mood (as well as angry & frustrated) when my sugar levels are swinging or just high!
Re the driving thing - I totally relate to this - I work in another town, 40 mins away by car - if I had to get there by public transport I'd be stuffed, it'd take hours! The good news is that because your retinopathy has been recognised, they will be keeping a careful watch on you - they treat early if (note the if, not when, if 🙂) it turns to proliferative. This means that the impact on your vision is minimal. To give you some comfort, I have had type 1 for 31 years now (most of that on 2 jabs a day, so pants control), 2 pregnancies (which are known to dramatically accelerate retinopathy) and massively high BP for a while with pre eclampsia whilst pregnant (also not great for prolif retinopathy). My proliferative retinopathy has been treated & so far, so good - no problem re driving, despite a fair bit of lasering. As you have background retinopathy at the mo, it's even possible that as your control improves, so do your eyes! So things are really much more positive than you might think at the mo.
As for the 2 day bender - don't worry, I think we all have the odd lapse now & again! Let it go, be kind to yourself. Get a good night's sleep, get hold of the docs / nurse next week & collar them for some help in getting to a point where you feel better about all this, whether that is via antidepressants, or a better support in controling blood sugars etc. Keep posting, we're here to help & support each other! Whatever you do, don't give up - I'll say it again - things will get better!
Twitchy (((HUG!!)))
